Melissa McLean Montgomery

I just spent 10 days with my partner's niece. She is 16. It was such fun having a teenager around. They are interesting creatures: part adult, part child, part alien. Here are some of my teenage observations: -Teenagers spill their milk -Teenagers get food on their clothes while eating -Teenagers do not clean their braces -Teenagers eat leftover popcorn for breakfast while still in bed -Teenagers have ipods, phones, cameras and blow dryers- something is always plugged in and they sleep in a mass of chords -Teenagers are more computer savvy than you -Teenagers are observant- they notice things about you that you thought you were successfully sweeping under the rug -Teenagers have enquiring minds- they want to know about art, architecture, history, politics, people, university, jobs, travelling and of course, shopping -Teenagers stay up super late and make cookies, then they sleep in super late -Teenagers can eat a brownie in 2 bites

Recent sightings of cheapness: A friend who transported 3 chicken wings from Kelowna to Vancouver so they could have them as a snack, DAYS later. The same friend brings cheese to burger joints to add to their burger so they don't have to pay for cheese. A former friend who lobbyied for financial aid from every friend and neighbour for an overseas trip when they had plenty of money in the bank and could have easily purchased the plane ticket themselves. The same friend cried out, " EIGHT DOLLARS? " at a copy store when the cashier told them the price of their photocopying. They had to be revivied by paramedics. Another example: An invitation to a pool party- don't bring anything, the email said. I arrived at the party and was stunned ( along with the rest of the guests ) to see that there were only cut up carrots, cucumber and zucchini on the table. This for a 6 hour pool party of 10 people. Cheap? In my books, yes. Cheap to the point of being backwards. Others wou...

To all the music snobs who are sick of Bolero: as posted on CBC.ca Leave Bolero alone! It isnt hurting anyone! In fact, Bolero can be used as therapy. Years ago, when my father left my mother, my mother threw his copy of Bolero ( and his curling stick) across the road into the bushes. She called it a 'symbolic gesture'. Perhaps the marriage breakdown was due in part to my mother having to listen to Bolero one too many times. Who knows? My father is no longer with us, and I always smile when it comes on the CBC. My mother does, too, and Dad, wherever you are, long live Bolero!

A couple of weeks ago I said to my love, " Hey, I read in the newspaper that Eric McCormack is doing a production of Glenngary Glenn Ross at the Arts Club! Let's go and see it!" Said my love, " I also read about a show I want to see." I said, " Which one? " Said my love, , " 'An Evening with Hulk Hogan- Jimmy Hart, Brutus Beefcake, Greg Valentine, Brian Knobbs, Jerry Saga (The Nasty Boys), Honkey Tonk Man and Hillbilly Jim. Look, here's the ad. It's playing at the Casino." Yesterday, my love said my birthday present was, " 2 tickets to that play with Eric McCormack but I haven't bought them yet because I forgot the name of the play."

It's my birthday! Well, it's one week away. I have my list all prepared if anyone asks.....everything from a mansion to a moleskin notebook. Or a chesseburger will do. At this point it is safe to say I will accept any and all gifts. Speaking of gifts - it's 9:25 pm and it's still light out! I love it! One of the many blessings of summer. Other blessings of summer include: early light, not having to wear socks, hot hot heat, ice cream, sandals, and sunhats. And my storage locker is all cleared out and organized. ( insert sigh of relief here) .

I can't believe it's the end of the month. Specifically, it's the end of freakin' May! Almost halfway 'til Christmas! The liliacs have come and gone and I have planted my tomatoes. This year, my aim is to start my Christmas shopping by July. We'll see how well that goes. I've been reading 'Julie and Julia' and really enjoying it. It makes me want to live in New York City. Well, maybey not in the run down loft Julie lives in which is in the distant borough of Long Island City, complete with bad plumbing and bugs, but in a large and equisitely beautiful apartment on the Upper West Side. Or is it the Upper East Side? I enjoying eating while reading this book and lately I have been reading it slowly as I am nearing the end. I don't want it to be over. I do not read fiction anymore ( or is it non-fiction? -anything that is not true), I don't have a taste for made up stories anymore. I don't know why - they just don't turn my crank. Truth ...

I'm obsessed with storage: there I've said it. I am obsessed with putting things back in their CORRECT place and NOT looking for the scissors, twist ties, rubber bands or the stapler. My neighbour is an interior designer and I'm always looking through her windows and comparing my chaos with her perfect world of impeccable white chic. At present , I have the entire contents of my storage locker in the living room. I am rooting through everything and everything will be perfectly stored before it it is re-stored in the storage locker. Labelled, packed, tissue papered....discarded, donated, sold. Those are the categories. Those are the rules. How and when did I aquire so much stuff? I remember when I lived in a bachelor suite and all I owned was 2 plates and one black sweater. Now it's tire chains, chain saws, Christmas decorations, brass fittings, stuffed donkeys....it's enough to make one become a Buddhist monk!