Melissa McLean Montgomery

Memories of Dysfunction and Xmas Drama past: It's family time. For some this means joy, for most it means returning home and dealing with the devil. Below are some choice examples. ( I have left out names to protect both the innocent and their divilgers ) 1. A sister who left a restaurant and sat in the car because she wasn't consulted that she and her siblings would be picking up the Xmas dinner cheque for her parents. She pouted for 3 days. 2. A father who greeted his son ( who hadn't been home for Xmas in 7 years ) at the door with , " You idiot! Why did you cross the front lawn? There's snow on your shoes ! " 3. A mother, who, still in her nightie at 3pm, screamed at her daughter ( in front of company ), " I told you too keep the goddamn cat off the turkey! " 4. A sister who screamed at the table, " Mom! Give me my food so I can get out of here!" 5. A cousin put her new china nativity set on the mantle piece. As the Catholic family me

Well I haven't done my Christmas shopping in July like I planned. Oh well. I am going away this year, so my shopping scenario has changed - I am now buying for relative strangers. My sister's in-laws. It'll be a Polish Christmas in Comox. I hope to get through the 12 meatless dishes without wishing I was at home having steak and lobster. I hope I don't have to cook or get up early. I'm a dream houseguest!

That's not my line, it belongs to Christopher Small- designer and advocate for proper colour and architecture everywhere. While standing in the rain today, we discussed the lack of " good " architectural design in our fair city. Both of us are native Vancouverites. We abhor the recent tauping of Vancouver. My personal un-favourite is the salmon peachy pink cement home. Since when is that a pretty colour in a city where it rains and rains and the peachy pink inevitably turns to.....something not- so- peachy- keen. We bemoan the faux gingerbread architecture that has found its way into Steveston - a rip off of New England architecture..... which by the way, is on the other coast, people! I guess it comes down to a matter of personal taste, or as Christopher said so diplomatically those colours/styles, " belong elsewhere."

I love poutine! When in Rome, or Montreal it's best to do what the Romans (or Montrealers ) do. Tommorrow I'm going to Schwartz's! Double YUM. Is it any wonder I feel the need to periodically blog about food? There is a great middle eastern market near my mom's and we shop there often. There are so many varieties of food and people here. Not just Western and Asian like in Vancouver. Montreal is TRULY multi-cultural. In my opinion. So look at the photo and drool! Anyone who says they don't like poutine is a big liar!

I'm in Montreal. Helping Mom clean her house. It's funny how everything is different between us , yet the same. She gives me shit for eating a chocolate bar before dinner and I give her shit for dropping her coat on the floor. Montreal is busy and messy. My mom is busy and messy. I fluctuate between wanting to walk out the door and never come back and stay home forever. But I do not live there anymore. My home is elsewhere. We laugh and fight, cry and yell, laugh, insult each other, drink coffee and drag the dog on errands. It's so cold here. And lively. Montreal has a flavour all it's own. I am trying my best to help my mom organize. It is natural for me, unnatural for her, hence the chaos. The house is looking better- at least she is willing to let stuff go and realize that people are the most important thing.

It's Thanksgiving...the time of year when it is traditional to be thankful for what we have. So here goes.... I am thankful for my full belly. I am thankful for my clean, warm home. I am thankful for leftovers. I am thankful I get to sleep in Sunday, Monday AND Tuesday. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my clean clothes and linen. I am thankful for the rain. All 30-50 millimeters of it. I am thankful for this laptop that enables me to be creative. I am thankful for everything that has happened and for everything that is yet to come. I am thankful I have 2 followers for my blog. HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I have been working in an office for the last 3 weeks. It would appear on the surface that outside of the office, I have no life. There is plenty of life inside the office : phones, faxes, emails, voicemails, families, doctors, nurses, aides, plants, residents, cigarettes, handidarts, appointments, companions, complaints, coffee and cheezies for dinner tonight. I honestly do not know how the average person works for 40 years , 9-5, five days a week with 2, maybey 3 weeks off a year. I cannot imagine living that way. It is too regimented and would take up too much of my time. I have stuff to do during the day! It's not normal. Unless, one really enjoyed having to be somewhere by 9am every day. Then I could envision them doing it and not being burnt out, depressed and embittered. Having to be at the same place at 9am every day seriously goes against my flow.

I grew these! All I had to do was buy them, plant them, and stick them in the ground. And add water. Mother nature did the rest. They are so beautiful I had to take a picture of them. They are perfect in their imperfection: no pesticides or funny chemicals needed here. Now all I have to do is figure out what to tell my chef make with them. Gazpacho? sauce? salsa? As summer winds to a close tommorrow, I am reminded of how much I love ALL of nature. I found a wasp this morning dying on the inside of my window- I caught it in a glass and let it outside for one last flyby in the rain. I love the rain. Flowers. Insects. Vegetables. The only thing I can think of off the top of my head that I do not love in nature is rats. Happy Fall Equinox, everyone!

I love chips! Yesterday, I got a big bag at Costco ( and I mean the BIG) bag. Plain with salt. My favourite. I love them. I can eat the whole bag- well maybey not a whole Costco bag but the smaller bigger one. I could never have an eating disorder, I love food too much. YUM. I love everything except: octopus, organ food of any kind, mussels, squid, and oysters. My favourite foods are: toast, pasta, steak, lobster, cheese , and chips. I am lucky in that I live with someone who does all the cooking. I love to eat but I don't like to cook. I like to eat. And do the dishes. And shop for food. Food glorious food- where would I be without it? People often ask me how I got to be this tall. It's because I ate so many Big Macs. Honestly.

Last week, My sister was here visiting me with her two year old son. I child - proofed the apartment before their arrival: hid everything, tied/locked things up in preparation for what is supposed to be the ' terrible two's' arrival. I expected the place to be trashed by the little hellion. Surprise, surprise! I have to say I think that is a bit of a myth because my darling nephew did not drink bleach, rip my cashmere sweaters, or colour on the wall using lipstick. He went to bed nicely and his only moment of 'terrible two-ness' was when he poured water on the floor, but I let it slide ( my sister gave him a time out ). I think the trick to avoiding the terrible two's moments is best described in one word: Outside. Children like to be outside, running, climbing, playing, screaming and yelling. It is fun for them and tires them out, so that when they are inside they simple don't have the energy to destroy the house. And they are ready for bed. It's my the

I just spent 10 days with my partner's niece. She is 16. It was such fun having a teenager around. They are interesting creatures: part adult, part child, part alien. Here are some of my teenage observations: -Teenagers spill their milk -Teenagers get food on their clothes while eating -Teenagers do not clean their braces -Teenagers eat leftover popcorn for breakfast while still in bed -Teenagers have ipods, phones, cameras and blow dryers- something is always plugged in and they sleep in a mass of chords -Teenagers are more computer savvy than you -Teenagers are observant- they notice things about you that you thought you were successfully sweeping under the rug -Teenagers have enquiring minds- they want to know about art, architecture, history, politics, people, university, jobs, travelling and of course, shopping -Teenagers stay up super late and make cookies, then they sleep in super late -Teenagers can eat a brownie in 2 bites

Recent sightings of cheapness: A friend who transported 3 chicken wings from Kelowna to Vancouver so they could have them as a snack, DAYS later. The same friend brings cheese to burger joints to add to their burger so they don't have to pay for cheese. A former friend who lobbyied for financial aid from every friend and neighbour for an overseas trip when they had plenty of money in the bank and could have easily purchased the plane ticket themselves. The same friend cried out, " EIGHT DOLLARS? " at a copy store when the cashier told them the price of their photocopying. They had to be revivied by paramedics. Another example: An invitation to a pool party- don't bring anything, the email said. I arrived at the party and was stunned ( along with the rest of the guests ) to see that there were only cut up carrots, cucumber and zucchini on the table. This for a 6 hour pool party of 10 people. Cheap? In my books, yes. Cheap to the point of being backwards. Others wou

To all the music snobs who are sick of Bolero: as posted on CBC.ca Leave Bolero alone! It isnt hurting anyone! In fact, Bolero can be used as therapy. Years ago, when my father left my mother, my mother threw his copy of Bolero ( and his curling stick) across the road into the bushes. She called it a 'symbolic gesture'. Perhaps the marriage breakdown was due in part to my mother having to listen to Bolero one too many times. Who knows? My father is no longer with us, and I always smile when it comes on the CBC. My mother does, too, and Dad, wherever you are, long live Bolero!

A couple of weeks ago I said to my love, " Hey, I read in the newspaper that Eric McCormack is doing a production of Glenngary Glenn Ross at the Arts Club! Let's go and see it!" Said my love, " I also read about a show I want to see." I said, " Which one? " Said my love, , " 'An Evening with Hulk Hogan- Jimmy Hart, Brutus Beefcake, Greg Valentine, Brian Knobbs, Jerry Saga (The Nasty Boys), Honkey Tonk Man and Hillbilly Jim. Look, here's the ad. It's playing at the Casino." Yesterday, my love said my birthday present was, " 2 tickets to that play with Eric McCormack but I haven't bought them yet because I forgot the name of the play."

It's my birthday! Well, it's one week away. I have my list all prepared if anyone asks.....everything from a mansion to a moleskin notebook. Or a chesseburger will do. At this point it is safe to say I will accept any and all gifts. Speaking of gifts - it's 9:25 pm and it's still light out! I love it! One of the many blessings of summer. Other blessings of summer include: early light, not having to wear socks, hot hot heat, ice cream, sandals, and sunhats. And my storage locker is all cleared out and organized. ( insert sigh of relief here) .

I can't believe it's the end of the month. Specifically, it's the end of freakin' May! Almost halfway 'til Christmas! The liliacs have come and gone and I have planted my tomatoes. This year, my aim is to start my Christmas shopping by July. We'll see how well that goes. I've been reading 'Julie and Julia' and really enjoying it. It makes me want to live in New York City. Well, maybey not in the run down loft Julie lives in which is in the distant borough of Long Island City, complete with bad plumbing and bugs, but in a large and equisitely beautiful apartment on the Upper West Side. Or is it the Upper East Side? I enjoying eating while reading this book and lately I have been reading it slowly as I am nearing the end. I don't want it to be over. I do not read fiction anymore ( or is it non-fiction? -anything that is not true), I don't have a taste for made up stories anymore. I don't know why - they just don't turn my crank. Truth

I'm obsessed with storage: there I've said it. I am obsessed with putting things back in their CORRECT place and NOT looking for the scissors, twist ties, rubber bands or the stapler. My neighbour is an interior designer and I'm always looking through her windows and comparing my chaos with her perfect world of impeccable white chic. At present , I have the entire contents of my storage locker in the living room. I am rooting through everything and everything will be perfectly stored before it it is re-stored in the storage locker. Labelled, packed, tissue papered....discarded, donated, sold. Those are the categories. Those are the rules. How and when did I aquire so much stuff? I remember when I lived in a bachelor suite and all I owned was 2 plates and one black sweater. Now it's tire chains, chain saws, Christmas decorations, brass fittings, stuffed donkeys....it's enough to make one become a Buddhist monk!

I found my secateurs! Relax everyone. They were in the box with the transmission fluid. I am too young to be having senior moments but I swear, I didn't put them there. I had narrowed it down to either: a) The fact that I had thrown them out with the Christmas tree clippings b) They were in storage with the Christmas decorations I'm relieved to have them back. I ws forced to rip liliac off the branch with my bare hands on Saturday. Normally at this time of year I have my secateurs with me at all times for moments I call " judicious pruning ": when I snip off a little lilac, a wayward rose, a forlorn bluebell and take them home. My rule is ' if the tree, bush or plant is on city property it's fair game. ' Normally I confine my activities to lanes and side streets. I have only been reprimanded once by a stranger ( at a mall parking lot where I was 'trimming' the hydrandeas) and it was awkward to say the least. I couldn't think of ONE comeback. Ge

There are so many birds about. I love listening to their diffferent calls. There is one bird ( I don't know it's name) and I swear its call sounds like, " Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!" I saw an eagle yesterday - flying low, directly below a small seaplane. Now I know where they got the idea for the first plane! I went to Steveston recently and saw orioles, herons, assorted starlings and a few chickadees. I love birds! One of the reasons I love living in Vancouver. Not much planned for the weekend, assorted tasks, errands, I'm cat-sitting for a friend, laundry, and playing outside. Caio for now, brown cow!

1. I got my UGGS today- ah, nice! 2. I found my orange peeler 3. The recycling is overflowing 4. The eenzy leak has mysteriously disappeared 5. Roast beef for dinner tonight 6. I just ate an orange 7. Laundry to be done- I swear I don't know where it comes from! 8. Blackie? He's been fed 9. I still can't find my secateurs 10. I lost my detailed shopping list and will have to hunt through the recylcing to get it ( if it's even in there!)

Christ has risen! Chocolate for all! I don't know the realtionship between chocolate and Jesus, but I just had the most delicious pain au chocolat for brekky. Yum! Here are some random thoughts for this Easter Monday morn: 1. I must have UGGS- my feet are freezing! THERE MUST AND SHALL BE UGGS! 2. My neighbours have traded in their truck 3. Someone gave me a bedspread- which was not my sleeping bag that I had asked for 4. There was an eenzy drip coming through my bedroom window last night 5. I donated the bedspread to the MCC Thrift Store 6. I can't find my orange peeler 7. There is laundry to be done 8. Why don't people signal when they changes lanes? 9. Where are my secateurs? 10.What's for dinner? TTFN, MMS

Someone fling me a cup of tea, I'm off coffee. And this time change isnt' helping either....whose idea was this, anyway? I was walking around in a fog last week. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to give up coffee. I do feel more energetic, however mornings are still a drag without coffee. Mornings are always a drag for me...I don't think that will ever change. I watched Withnail and I again over the weekend ( for the 16th time ). What a brilliant film. I have had my Withnail days and now I look back on them fondly- I wouldn't want to live those days again. They were fun, they were sad, they were appropriately insane, but I am not sad to see them behind me. Today is also my nephew's birthday- HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY WINSTON!! I must go and reorganize my cutlery drawer now. TTFN!

I'm busy watching a re-run of Oprah. There is a man in the lane scouring the recycling bins for bottles. He drives a blue mini van. He comes here a few times a week. Is it possible to make a living scouring the recycling for bottles and returning them? I have seen him driving around the neighbourhood, scouring all the recycling bins. How can he maintain a vehicle on that income? Or maybey this is just pocket money. Or a hobby. Oh well. At least he's not coming at 3am anymore. Thank God for small mercies.

I guess I should go see some of these movies....The Hurt Locker, The Blind Side, The Last Stop, And Precious? Avtar? Yawn. Only If I have a large popcorn. I saw Chariots of Fire again over the weekend. What a marvellous movie. And Goodfellas was on last week on TCM. But I digress. We love movies because they remind us of ourselves. What we are, what we can be, what we could be, what we could've been. We love movies becasue they allow us to escape into someone else's life. We can sit anonymously in the dark and watch a stranger go and make a muck of it. Or a resounding sucess. Or we can watch them die. Characters in movies are us - magnified. Sometimes we watch them negotiate a situation we have been in. Sometimes it's a foreign situation but we relate to them nonetheless. It's that universality if triumph over disaster, love gone wrong/right, death, disease, growing up , getting married, getting divorced, working, laughing, playing....we've all been there. Next on m

What a difference a day makes! Everything is back to normal: no more pins, no more crowds, and worst of all no more TV at work. Sigh. I must say, I am sad to se the Olympics go. It was fun while it lasted. What's next? Back to the old boring and normal: work, the cafe, the grocery store, long distance calls to mom every day, my blog, my website......this week I'm supposed to be writing about Canadian Tourism.....timely or did I miss the proverbial bus?

Well, the Olympics are here, wether I like it or not. After watching the torch being passed in my neighbourhood I've decided to get with it. Hey, I'll admit it: it WAS exciting to see Ed Robertson from The Barenaked Ladies! And my local Parks Board Commissioner gave me a pin! It doesn't take much to make me happy. Everywhere I go I am saying , " Happy Olympics!" and " Are these Olympics apples/oranges/pork chops?" I know it's a lot of money being spent...blah blah blah, but I can't do anything about that. It certainly wasn't my decision. And it's not my department. As I watched the opening ceremony last night, I found myself with tears in my eyes. Corny, but true. I guess I AM proud to be Candadian and if the 2010 Winter Games have to be somewhere, they might as well be here in beautiful Vancouver. I'm off to Granville Island to have a wander, wear my pin, and buy some Olympic tulips.

"If you complain nothing happens so you might as well not bother!" ( Monty Python ) Ah yes, one of my favourite quotations. When to complain, ideed? When do we decide not to bother and either: a) suck it up b) forget it c) move on d) ignore, ignore, ignore? e) stuff it down and let it fester until it pops out on some poor unsuspecting relative lover or spouse? I have been wondering if I should complain about the following: -The local barista who insists on asking me personal questions every time I go in for a coffee. ( Where do you work? Where do you live? Do you rent or own- that's a whole other blog- nosy people) -My noisy neighbours -The film company that is setting up a generator in the lane Is it worth it? Will anything come of my complaints? Or will I be laughed at and end up feeling like I'm H.M. ( High Maintenance). The older I become, the more discerning I have become about complaining- I try only to complain when absolutley necessary ( ie. when the ceiling a

Cats I have known and loved: Pin, Bille, Chimo, Plinky, Minnie, Sophie, Kitty, Bobbi, Felice, Tabby, Snagglepuss, Perdita, Monty, Mao, Orion, Luna, Cleo, Sammi, Silky, Dylan, Dickens, Janet, Pusska, Tia, Jimmijam,...did I forget anyone? Kiffelton, Alcina and Mayo Mayo. All are deserving of praise. All are individuals and have their own quirks. What is it about cats that I love so much? I think it is their absolute sense of independance. They don't need you - you need them. They don't wait for you to come home- you can't wait to get home and see them. You let them out and you don't know where they go or what they do. They come back hours later nonchalantly, their whiskers covered in dust, cobwebs or dew and it's up to you to guess where they've been and what they've been doing. I think I'll invent a kitty cam to solve this mystery. A remote camera attatched to a cat's collar and it would show where a cat goes when it gos outside. Have you ever seen yo

Am I in the know? When I log into Yahoo and the home page lists the latest celebrity deaths, cancer diagnoses (celebrities only, please) , regular scandals (wealthy/famous people only, please), sex scandals (good looking celebrities and ugly politicians only, please) , hockey brawls, wars and the like - if I read them, do I really know what is happening in the world? Does it make me tuned in? Knowledgeable? Smart? Smarter than you? The fact that someone tortured a cat to death in Windsor, Ontario last week makes me angry and sad. But who cares, really? That is only one animal torture death we know about, thanks to the news. I am sure there were many, many more animals that were tortured to death last week. Not to mention children who died untimely deaths, the elderly who died, death in war, death in disaster, death by overdose, suicide- then there are the two mosquitoes and one spider I killed last week..... I can't do anything about it. Neither can you. Feeling one way or the o

Coffee: It's for adults only - children are told it will stunt their growth and make them unnecessarily hyper. Everyone remembers their first cup and the rush that came with it. It wasn't the caffeine; it was the feeling of being grown up at last. I'm now almost 6 feet tall- is it because of all the tea I drank as a child? Coffee culture has grown out of a need to get out of the house out of the office, away from a nagging partner/messy roommate/screaming baby/spouse and relax for a few moments without breaking the bank. Everyone wants to feel like an adult and for those who do not drink alcohol; coffee is the one thing that can to remind one of adulthood. Or if one prefers alcohol, one can drink coffee to get rid of a hangover. Very adult, indeed! For teenagers unable to get into bars, the local coffee shop is the one place they can go (on the pretext of doing homework) where they can pretend to be adults. For University students, the coffee shop is a valid replacement for